To ensure you won’t be tongue-tied on your special day, Melbourne Wedding & Bride provides some handy tips so your declarations of love are as unique as the relationship between you and your partner.

A Write Of Passage

Originating in medieval times, wedding vows are one of the oldest traditions to date. More recently, couples are revamping this age-old custom by including their own vows to add a more personal touch.

“Many couples are choosing to write their own vows as it is one of the few times, and possibly for some, the only time that they will declare their love openly and honestly in such a public manner,” Conrau says.

“There is something wonderful about speaking the words you have personally written to your partner in front of your friends and family,” Gallagher says.

While personalising your vows allows you to express your adoration for the person you love, the marriage vow is also a legal requirement. “The Marriage Act 1961 requires the couple to say certain words as part of their legal vows. Your personal vows are in addition to this legally required proclamation,” Conrau says.

Further, “In Australia, your marriage vows cannot be phrased as a question with a simple yes or no answer,” Gallagher says. “It is in the component of the ceremony that celebrants refer to as ‘the asking’ that serves as a means to outlining the promises to be made and allows the couple the opportunity to say ‘I do’.”

Professionally Speaking

It’s easy to leave things to the last minute in the lead up to your wedding, however your vows shouldn’t be one of them. “When planning your wedding ceremony, you may want to consider starting with your vows and working from the inside outwards, rather than … leaving your vows until last,” Conrau says. “When you start with your vows you have the opportunity of creating something from the core and then wrapping the rest of the ceremony around that,” Gallagher says.

Whether you decide to write your vows separately or together, never underestimate the power of a professional. “The prospect of writing your own vows can sometimes lead to anxiety, stress and procrastination,” Conrau says.

“One way of alleviating these issues is to engage the services of a professional marriage celebrant, a person of ability and experience to act as a collaborator; someone who … conveys the personalities, the beliefs and the story of each couple,” Gallagher says. “A good celebrant will assist you and make suggestions with editing … so as to produce vows that are heartfelt and genuine.”

Word Searching

Your vows should be inspired by your feelings towards your partner. However, sometimes this can be hard to put into words. “Even the most fluent, literate and professional writers have their moments of writer’s block,” Conrau says. “[When] writing your vows, be true to yourself. Write them from the heart and not what you think is expected of you. You [also] need to write in a style that is in line with your personality and in words that are consistent with your everyday speech.”

While retelling personal anecdotes may seem like a good idea, tread with caution. “Avoid in-jokes and stories that your guests may not be privy to,” Gallagher says. “It is a public event and your friends and family should be able to relate to what is being said.”

Gallagher also advises that asking yourself questions such as what marriage means to you, what promises are important to you, and finally, if you want the same vows or complementary ones, are extremely helpful starting points.

“You can also explore the concept of love, trust, honesty, compassion, friendship, forgiveness, faithfulness, honour and respect,” Gallagher says. “You may [even] wish to elaborate on phrases such as ‘I look forward to’, ‘You give me’, ‘I realised I loved you when’, and ‘I vow to’.”

“The celebrant should have a variety of options to act as a foundation on which to build,” Conrau adds. “This allows the couple to mix and match and add their own words to create unique and personal vows.”